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  • English Jokes :D

    Helpdesk Jokes

    Helpdesk: What kind of com****r do you have?
    Customer: A white one...
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
    Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
    Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
    Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note .
    Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: Click on the 'my com****r' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
    Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
    Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damnit!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the com****r still says he can't find it...

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: I have problems printing in red...
    Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
    Customer: No.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
    Customer: It's not working.
    Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
    Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the com****r?
    Customer: No. I can't get behind the com****r.
    Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer: OK
    Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    A customer couldn't get on the internet.
    Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my com****r, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
    Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
    Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
    Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Helpdesk: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

    tha9afia siyassia nawawiya ijtima3ia e9tissadia riadhia ....
    Averroes®

  • #2
    GIRLS are Complex Creature

    If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
    If you don't, you are not a man

    If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
    If you don't, you are good for nothing

    If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
    If you don't, you are not understanding

    If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
    If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

    If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
    If you don't, you are a dull boy

    If you are jealous, she says it's bad
    If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

    If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
    If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

    If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
    If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

    If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
    If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

    If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
    If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

    If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
    If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

    If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
    If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

    If you talk, she wants you to listen
    If you listen, she wants you to talk

    In short:
    So simple, yet so complex
    So weak, yet so powerful
    So confusing, yet so desirable
    So damning, yet so wonderful.....

    tha9afia siyassia nawawiya ijtima3ia e9tissadia riadhia ....
    Averroes®

    Comment


    • #3
      *~Stupid Questions~*

      People usually ask obvious situations and some equally stupid answers ! Read it .. and dont ask these questions in future..


      1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
      Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
      Answer: Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

      2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
      Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
      Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try again?

      3. At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
      Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
      Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?



      4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish good?
      Answer: No, it’s terrible and made of cement. We occasionally also spit on it.

      5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years.
      Stupid Question: Farena, Chickoo, you've become so big.
      Answer: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

      6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
      Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying well?
      Answer: No, he's a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.



      7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
      Stupid Question: Sorry. Were you sleeping?
      Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not.
      And you thought I was sleeping.... You dumb

      8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
      Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut? Answer: No, its autumn and I'm shedding.

      9.At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
      Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?
      Answer: No it won’t. It will just bleed.

      10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
      Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.
      Answer: Gosh, it's a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames

      tha9afia siyassia nawawiya ijtima3ia e9tissadia riadhia ....
      Averroes®

      Comment


      • #4
        Types Of Women

        HARD-DISK Woman:
        She remembers everything, FOREVER.

        RAM Woman:
        She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

        WINDOWS Woman:
        Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

        EXCEL Woman:
        They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

        SCREENSAVER Woman:
        She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

        INTERNET Woman:
        Difficult to access.

        SERVER Woman:
        Always busy when you need her.

        MULTIMEDIA Woman:
        She makes horrible things look beautiful.

        CD-ROM Woman:
        She is always faster and faster.

        E-MAIL Woman:
        Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

        VIRUS Woman:
        Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............

        tha9afia siyassia nawawiya ijtima3ia e9tissadia riadhia ....
        Averroes®

        Comment


        • #5
          Il y a pas une version types of men ?
          Ils sont machos ces informaticiens !!

          Comment


          • #6
            to nferkess ou nchalah nal9a ;)
            Moi ce qui m'a fait marrer c'est le helpdesk looooooooool
            ken jit fi blasset'hom rani n3ala9 direct :D (just kiddin)

            tha9afia siyassia nawawiya ijtima3ia e9tissadia riadhia ....
            Averroes®

            Comment


            • #7
              Drive-In

              Groupement des carte bancaires
              nous procédons actuellement à la mise en place dans les grandes villes des points de distributeurs "Drive-In" où il sera possible de procéder à des retrait d'espèces sans avoir quitter son véhicule. Nous avons procédé à une études comportementale approfondie afin de préciser les procédures à mettre en oeuvre veuillez lire les instructions suivantes selon la catégorie à laquelle vous apartenez.

              Procédure à suivre pour un utilisateur de sexe Masculin
              1- Amener le véhicule près du distributeur.
              2- Abaiser la vitre.
              3- Insérer la carte dans le distributeur et composer votre code.
              4- Taper le montant du retrait et valider.
              5- Retirer la carte, les biellets et le reçu.
              6- Remonter la vitre
              7- Démarrer

              Procédure à suivre pour un utilisateur de sexe Féminin
              1- Amener le véhicule près du distributeur.
              2- Reculer de la distance nécessaire pour aligner la fenêtre du véhicule avec le distributeur
              3- Redemarrer le moteur calé.
              4- Abaisser la vitre.
              5- Trouver le sac à main, vider le contenu sur le siège passager pour localiser la carte bancaire.
              6- Eteindre la radio.
              7- Tenter d'introduire la carte dans le distributeur.
              8- Ouvrir la portière afin de permettre un accés plus facil compte tenu de la distance au distributeur.
              9- Insérer la carte.
              10- Réinsérer la carte dans le bon sens.
              11- Réexaminer le contenu du sac à main afin de trouver l'agenda sur lequel est inscrit le code.
              12- taper le code.
              13- Appuier sur "Annuler" et retaper le code correctement.
              14- Entrer le montant de la somme à retirer.
              15- Vérifier le maquillage dans le retroviseur.
              16- Retirer les espèces et le reçu.
              17- Re-vider le sac à main et trouver le porte-monnaie pour ranger les billets.
              18- ranger le reçu à la fin du carnet de chèques.
              19- Re-vérifier le maquillage.
              20- Démarrer, avancer de deux mètres.
              21- Reculer jusqu'au distributeur.
              22- Récuperer la carte.
              23- Revider le sac à main, trouver le porte-carte, ranger la carte.
              24- Redemarrer le moteur calé et quitter les lieux.
              25- Conduire pendant 4 ou 5 kilomètres.
              26- Ôter le frein à main.

              Comment


              • #8
                origine en françai ===> en anglais ===> traduction




                Ma queue perd son alcool ===> Make a personal call ====> Passer un coup de fil personnel

                Ail ou radis ? ===> Are you ready ? ====> Êtes-vous prêt ?


                Saintes ******s ====> Thanks a lot ===> Merci beaucoup

                Comment


                • #9
                  Envoyé par BuGs_BuNNy_
                  origine en françai ===> en anglais ===> traduction




                  Ma queue perd son alcool ===> Make a personal call ====> Passer un coup de fil personnel

                  Ail ou radis ? ===> Are you ready ? ====> Êtes-vous prêt ?


                  Saintes ******s ====> Thanks a lot ===> Merci beaucoup
                  ech nawa hel l'anglais ya bugs?

                  Comment

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